Merry Christmas!!!

Okay, so i was a bit late with that... but i hope everyone had a GREAT holiday! mine was okay... a little drama with my dad (too much to share here) but the time spent with the rest of my family was nice...

my grandma got to come home for the day to have dinner and exchange gifts with us... that was nice... now she's determined to keep working hard in physical therapy to come home for good... the dinner i made was okay... not as good as thanksgiving, but considering I had a lot on my mind, i think it turned out well...

my mom's family was even fun to be around this time... and mom fixed a yummy ham... mmmm hammmmmm... i suppose a good time was had by all this weekend...

now it's back to work for a few days, and then christopher comes to visit for new years!!! i'm getting way excited... i was worried that with all the food over christmas, my dress would be a tight fit... but i tried it on last night, and it fit better than ever!!! just have to keep it up for this week and i'll be home free!

nothing new

well, this past week has been kinda boring... nothing really major happening... but i do have a funny story about my apartment rental office and the ppl that work there:

so, i told you that my tags were stolen... well, that afternoon, i went into the rental office to discuss it with someone... mind you, this is the 3rd incident in 6 months, so i was pretty pissed off that no one wanted to do anything to help... so, the lady in the office was trying to calm me down and reassure me that nothing else was gonna happen, and such... so, we're trying to come up with some solutions, and she suggests that i remove my tags everytime i leave the vehicle... OUTRAGEOUS!!! so, i pointed out that having a car parked without tags is illegal, and her solution to that was "put a sign in the window stating you have valid tags, and leave your phone number in case they need to contact you..." leave my phone number out for everyone to see??? is this woman nuts??? anyway, i proceded to tell her all the things wrong with that statement, and she backed off... when i told her that the police had said i might be being targeted she got all defensive... saying that it was me that was being targeted and that i shouldn't be afraid... that it was my car... and her suggestion was for me to get a better/newer car that criminals wouldn't target... my mouth dropped open... no kidding... i said "do you have the $$$ to buy me a new car, because i sure don't!" i was in shock that she even suggested that... i forget how the conversation ended, but i left shortly after that...

so i get back to my apartment, and realize it's much darker there than near the rental office, or the rest of the property... so the next day, i borrow a light meter from work (this is where being an EE with specialization in lighting helps out) and look up the proper codes that the landlord must meet... that night, i measure the light level in the parking lot... not quite what it should be... just a little low, but a little low is enough to not pass code if an inspector came around... so, during the next week (last week) i typed up my findings and made some suggestions to improve the lighting in the parking area... on the bottom of the list, i commented on the unprofessional suggestions made to me by the lady in the office... this note was sent in confidence to the community manager...

the next day, i get a call on my work phone from the rental office lady... she then yelled at me for calling her unprofessional, and calling me a liar saying she never said any of the things i told the community manager... so, i start going right back at her... our conversation was getting pretty loud, then all of the sudden she says "well if there's anything else we can do for you, just let us know... have a good day" and hangs up... i bet someone walked in on her yelling at me... so as soon as i hung up, i called the community manager to let her know i was being harrassed by this woman now... the community manager was in shock as well... she said she had just left the property and was on her way to a meeting, but i could almost hear the tires skreetching as i told her what happened... she was pissed... and very apologetic to me... and somehow through this conversation, i was persuaded to write a monthly column on safety for the community newsletter, and i am going to speak at the community open house/christmas party on things we, as neighbors, can do to make the community safer... oh the things i get myself into...

so that's been my drama... not really drama, but kinda funny...

oh, and chris and i are going to the kennedy center gala for new years'... you should be jealous... i'll take pictures and share with everyone...

feeling sick, a hero returned, and nice neighbors

this weekend was the pits as far as how i was feeling goes... this yucky sinus infection kept me in bed most of the weekend... but my regimen of benadryl cold and sinus, vicks vaporub, and sleeping directly beside the humidifier seems to be helping... this morning i'm feeling pretty good... although, i do sound like a young boy going through puberty...

but there were good things about this weekend too... i got my hero back! i guess he realized the error of his ways and apologized... i know he was stressed about a lot of things, but that's no excuse... but, after he unstressed and got his car fixed, he was back to normal... and it was nice having him back...

also, he checked with UPS and discovered that my package was delivered on Nov 16th... it was signed for by Wang... not having any clue who this person was, i put up a sign in the hall of the building asking the person with this package to return it to me... and what do you know, i got the package back... unopened and unharmed... the guy lives in one of the apartments above me, and i'd never seen him around... so, of course, he'd not seen me to know that i was home to deliver the package... he'd also assumed that UPS had left a note saying where it was (but they hadn't)... i would just like to say YAY for nice neighbors...

other than that, i had a pretty dull weekend... and so far this monday morning is looking pretty uneventful as well... i hope something exciting happens today... *sigh*

who are you? and what have you done with my hero?

okay, so last night, chris got home from his nearly 3 week training/survival thing out in washington... i was so looking forward to him finally being home, where i wouldn't be outshined by survival techniques and AF buddies... where i could have my hero back... and he could finally be there for me like i've been doing for him for quite some time now... but instead of my hero, i got some jerk... and i don't say that about him often, but last night, he was being exactly that...

the night before i had called him to let him know that my tags had been stolen again, and i was sick... i didn't figure he'd call be back as it was his last night there, and i thought he'd be out with the guys... and while this was mostly the case, he told me he'd seen where i'd called, but he just "wasn't feelin' it..." meaning, he knew things were pretty crappy for me that day, but didn't want to deal with me... what kind of hero is that???

the past few weeks, things in my life haven't exactly been a walk in the park either... but even when i "wasn't feelin' it" i was still there, and encouraging and supportive, for him... and while i understand that he couldn't always do the same for me because of his training schedule, there were times when he could have been more there for me, and he chose not to...

ever since Ivan, things have been "christopher, christopher, christopher"... everything has been about him, and the things going on in his life... i've had one night in the past 2 months where we just talked about me, and things going on with me... and even that was before the chaotic past few weeks...

last night, i needed him to ask me how i was doing... needed him to reassure me that even though things are super crazy for both of us right now, that everything is going to be okay... i needed him to let me know that he's gonna be there for me like i've been needing... and even after telling him what i needed he said "i just can't do that right now..." all of what i was asking for would have taken less than 10 minutes... but instead, we spent 20 arguing about it...

i need some princess time... and i need some fast... i just keep giving and giving and giving to this relationship, and lately, i'm feeling like i'm not getting anything in return... feeling kinda shafted... for the next few days, i told him that i'd stay out of his way and leave him completely alone, and i only asked that he call me when he gets to GA to let me know he made it safely... but during this time, i hope he's figuring out a way to make it up to me... because i feel i've been a girlfriend who's been more than understanding about a lot of things... i've been willing to be second in his life for a while, while most girls would have said "put me first, or else..." but now, i'm needing to be first... now i just have to wait and see if my hero returns, or if i'm gonna be stuck with a jerk for a while...

i want my hero back...

you're never going to believe this!

my license plates were stolen off of my car... again... this is the second time in 5 months... grrr... and this time they took both plates... so now i have a paper tag in the window (per instructions by the police)... this is getting out of hand... good thing i already needed to go into the lease office today (to pay rent)... they're really gonna hear it from me now!

oh and yesterday, i had a doc appt to have my blood pressure checked... on the phone when i made the appt, i was told there was a $9 service charge... i thought that was a little much for only a blood pressure check, but i agreed... so when i get there (before the check mind you) i was informed that the $9 was a service charge on top of my co-pay of $24... so $34 to have my blood pressure checked... and of course it was up because i was pissed off about being ripped off... and not only that, but the doc was 10 min late (i know, not a lot, but still) and she spent less than 5 min total with me... and, i asked what my bp was and what a good bp would be, and my bp was less than the upper limit for the good bp... yet, she still told me it was running high... oh, did i mention this was the same doc that hurt me the last time??? yeah, so now that i have had 2 bad experiences with that office, i won't be going back... i just wonder what she charged my insurance for that visit, i should call them to find out...

okay, so now that i've ranted i feel much better...

no creative title due to lack of creativity at the moment

okay... so after a week plus in SWVA, i'm a little glad to be back to DC and back to work... while things in VA were mostly busy, i was getting a little bored... or maybe just a little tired of family... i love my family to pieces, but after seeing all of them nearly everyday, i was ready for some alone time...

both the visitation/wake and funeral services were nice... my brothers were pall bearers... they did a good job... my poppaw looked so little... he was not a little man, but he sure looked it... and the suit he'd picked out (nearly 15 years ago) looked great too... the day he picked it out, he told us he didn't want to be buried in a necktie... because he didn't want to choke to death... that was my poppaw for ya...

my mommaw does okay... she has her days... she doesn't really have a good mind anymore anyway, and is like a big 3 yr old... when ppl would come to visit her (she lives with my mom now), she would make up stories about all sorts of things... and we'd have to pull the ppl aside and let them know the truth... she was telling some ppl that when my poppaw died, he burst into flames... and other crazy stuff like that... the first couple of times she says stuff like that, it's a little funny... you can't help but laugh it off... but after she says it for the 15th time, and you've corrected her for the 15th time, it gets a little old...

but she was like that before my poppaw died... even before she broke her hip... but now that she's living with mom, it's driving her crazy... mom is disabled and is unable to work right now... but even if she could, having her mom there would keep her from going back to work... mommaw needs constant supervision (and even entertainment)... but my mom is the type of person who likes to go off by herself and read or just sit outside in the quiet... mommaw doesn't read, hates for it to be quiet, and doesn't do crafts (she says they're childish)... so entertaining her becomes a full time job...

despite the family drama, thanksgiving was good... for my dad's side of the family i fixed the entire dinner by myself (okay, so my cousin peeled potatoes... so i guess it wasn't entirely by myself)... we had a huge feast, but i was especially proud of the turkey... i'd never fixed a turkey before, and i must say, i did a darn good job... i helped with dinner on my mom's side of the family... we had the feast at our house this year... so my mom was left to prepare the meal... she wanted to make my mommaw feel useful, so she let her help some too... lets just say some of the deviled eggs had some shell surprise in them... i steered clear of those... but the meal was good, nonetheless... and now i'm all geared up for the christmas feasts...

mom and i went out shopping on "black friday"... we didn't really do any christmas shopping, just went out to get my b'day gift from the bookstore in the mall... we walked around some, and it didn't seem so crouded, so we were wondering, "why did we have to park all the way in the last row if there aren't a lot of ppl here?" the ppl must have been hiding, or standing in the checkout lines, they were long...

so friday afternoon, my bro and i put up the chrismas lights around the house... blue icecicle lights... but we didn't have enough to go call the way around, so we went out and bought some more... after we got them up (16 strands all together) we plugged them in... and sparks flew... hmmm... no wonder the directions say that 3 strands is all that can be connected in series... so, we had to go out later that night and get extension cords to remedy the problem...

saturday, i was supposed to leave, but got busy picking out and decorating the christmas tree... and i wanted to see the outside lights working properly as well, so i stuck around one more day... that may have been a mistake... because on sunday, the drive that normally takes about 5.5 hours took nearly 9... ugh... now i remember why i always traveled back to school on the sat after t'day instead of sun... won't make that mistake again...

and now i'm back to work... not really anything going on... we don't have a project to really be working on right now, so we're just finding stuff to keep us busy... i was told it will most likely be like this till after christmas... but i'm hoping we at least get in one project to work on between now and then... there's only so many times i can check my email in a day, ya know...

what a week

wow... it's been one busy week for me... traveling for work wasn't so bad... one day the meeting was 13 hours long... but we got a lot accomplished... and the next day's meeting wasn't terrible either... all in all the work part of the trip was successful...

the last night in jacksonville, we ate at Joe's Crab Shack... i ordered the one chicken dish on the menu and the next morning it made me terribly sick... i wasn't sure if i should fly being as sick as i was, but i thought, what the heck, it's only about an hour and a half flight, i can make it that long... well, i almost made it... with all the pressure changing on the decent into DC, that was all my poor stomach could handle... let me just say, those bags hold up well... i felt really bad for the lady next to me, and just kept apologizing to her... she said "honey, i've raised 2 kids, this is nothing." she was so nice... i made it back to work, and the boss sent me home... good thing too... i just needed to lay down and rest, and be able to sleep this sickness off... through the evening i started feeling a little better, and this morning i feel pretty good... still not good enough to eat, but at least i can walk around without feeling yucky...

also on my last night in jax, i got a call from my mom... my poppaw passed away... so i'm going home for the weekend for all the arrangements and such... i wouldn't make it back to DC till late monday, and was going to go back to SWVA on wed... so i arranged it with the boss to just take tues as a vacation day and i'll be home through thanksgiving... *sigh* not quite the reason i'd want to take a long vacation but it beats driving so much...

guess i better get back to packing if i want to make it out of here by noon...

hooray for moms!!!

okay... so since my last post, i have talked to "the mama" (chris's mom) and my momma and i'm feeling a lot better now... chris's mom just let me rant about UPS, and that felt good... and instead of trying to talk sense into me like chris did, she validated my feelings... made me feel like i was okay for expecting a certain level of service from them...

and my momma made me happier with me... she's always good for that... she always tells me how proud of me she is and all that good stuff... so it definately helped to talk to her... she also told me that my sister has moved out... nothing bad, she was just ready to leave... she and a friend found an apt and moved today... now this friend is one that she feuds with every couple of months... so i don't know that this will work so well... but mom has already said that if they start fighting, mel can't move back home, and if her friend moves out, then they will go after her to get the rest of the lease (since both names are sep. on the lease each is responsible for their own part... smart move)... my dad helped my sister move... and bought her some things just like he did for me when i moved...

and... mom said that last night was senior night at the HS football game... so the parents of the seniors are honored... so mom and dad were there for eric... mom said after eric went back to the locker room after the ceremony, that she spoke to dad... she asked him if, since there would be many things they shared together because of their kids, they could be civil during things like this so that us kids weren't so uncomfortable... she asked if they could just put everything aside and shake hands in agreement that, for the kids, they should be adults... and she said my dad looked at her for a few sec then stuck out his hand and shook hers... so maybe they're putting all the bad behind them now... that would definately make a good b'day gift...

anyway, with my sister moving out, my mom's mom (my mommaw) has moved in... for good too, because her place is being rented to one of our cousins or something... so there's been lots of moving in my family the past few weeks... the place won't be the same when i go home...

what's wrong with me???

okay, so this past week or so i've been really down... depressed, if you will... and after a week of eating rabbit food (and the rare pancake) and things not working out for me, i've had enough... i just want to scream... and i have...

first off, playing that stupid game was the worst idea i've ever had... that's the first and last time i'll listen to a cosmo suggestion... that's what set this whole mood i've been in in motion... instead of thinking about the positive things, i just keep dwelling on the negative... i thought i was confident enough in myself to accept the negative things, and learn from them... but i guess i wasn't... and now, i feel like i can't be good enough...

and the past couple of days, i had something to bring a little light to my life... i was getting a surprise... supposed to get it today... so i'd been so looking forward to today... i built it up so much because it made me happy... and when it didn't come today, i was so let down... and because i'll be out of town till thurs of next week, i won't get it till then... and i don't know who/what to be upset with... upset with myself for relying on this to make me happy? upset with my hero for telling me that it would be here on saturday (but to his credit, he'd just assumed that UPS delivered on sat)? or upset with UPS for not fully informing chris that saturday isn't a delivery day, even though, i've had packages delivered by UPS to me here before on saturdays? i'm just so upset, and let down...

after nearly 2 weeks of crying, you'd think i'd have no tears left... blah... will i ever get back to that happy carefree princess???

pinky

and the brain???

no no no... pinky is chris's roommate's (we'll call him chris m) cat... when i was visiting FL, i paid waaay too much attention to this kitten... and now, he wants the attention all the time... when chris and i would be sitting on the floor watching TV, pinky would want to be right in the middle... when chris and i were just loungin' on the bed, the cat would want to be there too... when i would be sitting at the counter eating breakfast, there was pinky, right on my lap... i think i got a little attached... anyway, the other day, chris had his webcam on... and who was sitting on his desk??? yep, that silly kitty... he knows who's boss of the house... he is... i miss pinky...

i miss my bunny and my puppies too... the other weekend when i was home, all the dogs (we have 4 now) were going crazy because chris, a stranger to them, was there... so finally, i got out some doggie treats, and they all sat down in a row in front of me and started doing "tricks" to get their treats... i think chris was a little amazed that these rambunctious dogs could sit and obey commands as well as they did... the puppies were rescued by my sister last winter... one, nibbles, is so short, her leg bones didn't grow like they should have, but she's adorable... and the other, skritter, is my favorite... she looks like a border collie, and is so sweet... she's a big baby... then of course, we have our poodle that thinks he's a cat most of the time... and now, since my momaw is living with my family, we have her little dog too... i don't know what kind it is, but she's so fat that she can sit on her butt and sit up like that for a long time... and her face and ears make her look like a bat... hehe...

my bunny pretty much just lays in his cage... he's getting old... and with so many dogs around, it's hard to let him out in the yard to play and hop around anymore... he doesn't like most of my family (bites the boys) so they're not able to care for him like he needs... i hope when my lease is up, i'll find a place that i can live and have my bunny too... he liked chris... chris would let him out and would play with him... and he'd even tell me that he fed the bunny beer and hotdogs... but i know that's not true...

i can't wait till chris and i can have our own house with our own pets, bowser and koopa, and maybe even a bunny too... yay happy thoughts to get me through monday!

*sigh*

okay... so i've always been pretty confident in who i am... was raised to believe i was beautiful and that there's more to a person than how they look on the outside... i think that's why when i looked in the mirror, i didn't see reality... i saw the person within...

but that bubble has been burst... i don't feel beautiful, or attractive, or desirable... i don't want anyone to look at me... or touch me... i feel pretty disgusting lately...

i guess i've just been watching too many make-over shows... and too much about hollywood... and even reading msg boards here... not that they all fat bash, but even the ppl just looking for friends (nothing more) won't even consider someone who's not attractive and slim... and i would just sit and wonder how ppl could be so shallow... but that's what this world is... and this weekend, i got it in my head that i have to fit that mold... that the person i am now just won't do...

i even tried to figure out how i could quickly fit what everyone expects... i visited ana and mia websites... and that scares me... i know both of those things are wrong (so anyone with a comment about how wrong that is can keep it to themselves)... and there are so many better ways to make myself more attractive... but the fact that i even had that in my mind makes me sick... what's wrong with me??? and why do i even care what those ppl think??? i used to be fairly happy with who i was... i just wanna go back to that...

if i can just make it through the next 2 weeks, i'll be at home with my family... and they'll set me straight again... until then, i promise not to do anything irrational... so don't everyone get all worried... and actually, i'd appreciate no comments on this post... i know what everyone is going to say, and it's not going to help... thanks...

tri delta still in my life...

so, recently i decided it was time for me to stop living in my hole, and get out and meet ppl... expand my circle of friends... so, i joined the local Tri Delta Alumnae group...

last night was movie night... only 4 of us came, and the other 3 already knew each other well... so i was kinda the outsider for a while... we saw a movie - Vera Drake - good movie, i recommend it to the ladies out there (men would not enjoy this movie at all)... it has some touchy issues, but makes for great discussion... and after the movie we went to dinner... a french bistro - Mon ami Gabi - food was good, but not really worth the price (especially when you split the check evenly and you're the only one that doesn't benefit from it)... but all in all it was a good evening... i'll probably end up going again, and to other DDD Alum functions...

on another note, my trip to GA with work has been extended... only by a day... but that's one more day in the warm weather and not this yucky cold stuff we've got goin' on here now... i like fall and all... but it's getting a little too chilly for my tastes... i guess i just got spoiled to the beautiful weather in FL last week... ahhh, how i wish i were back there...

still missing christopher a whole lot... and i usually do for about a week till i get readjusted to my life without him around... *sigh*... it's tough, ppl... if you've never been through a long-distance relationship, i don't recommend it... that's not to say that it's worth giving up, but if i could have things my way, long-distance would be one of the last resorts... maybe one day, chris will give up on this airforce thing and come live with me and let me be his sugar mama... okay... so maybe that won't really work (not yet anyway), but it's a nice thought...

oh, and friday afternoons at work when the boss is around pretty much suck... just my opinion...

florida, oh how i love thee...

thursday was fun, we went to the beach... YAY BEACH!!! we had to drive an hour plus to get there... and the drive back was even longer (rush hour traffic)... but it was still good... dinner that night was fun, too... i had to kiss a moose... and then we took chris's mom to an unusual piano bar... i think she liked it... i sure had a good time...

friday was chris's winging and all that hoopla... it was a nice ceremony, and the traditions afterward were cool to experience... then we all (chris, myself, chris's mom, and our friends ryan and sonia) went to lamberts... where they throw rolls at you... it's such a fun place... again, i had a great time...

saturday, we took chris's mom to the airport... i hated to see her go because we don't get to visit very often, and it was so nice getting to spend time with her... during the day, chris finished up his halloween costume, and we got ready to go out... we were Goldmember and Foxy Cleoptatra... a good idea, but i won't go so extravagant next time... my hand-made costume was a little uncomfortable, and there were so many ppl out that night i couldn't breathe... the more crowded it got, the more nervous i got, till i just couldn't take it anymore... i know i ruined chris's night, he didn't say that, but i know he wishes i didn't get like that... and i was so disappointed in myself for not being able to stick it out... i'd even planned to let loose and have a great time (unlike what i'm able to do here in my "professional life")... so i let myself down too... we just went back to his house and watched tv the rest of the night...

sunday, we moved stuff from chris's old house to his new one... and we forgot to change our clocks back, so we were rushing to get everything done and the truck returned on time, and we ended up being early... oh well, it happens... that night there were lots of trick-or-treaters... so many that chris had to run out and get more candy...

monday, chris had to go to water survival during the day... so i stayed at home and cleaned up, and fixed lunch... it was nice... i kinda liked that... i don't know for sure that i could do that everyday for the rest of my life... but if need be, for a little while, i could handle it... i also learned how to fix my fav dinner - teriyaki bowls - mmm... chris makes them better though...

and tuesday, i had to leave while chris was at work... that was kinda hard... no one was there to see me off at the airport... and our good-bye was way early in the morning as he was leaving for work... *sigh*

so that was my trip...

i also found out at work today, that i'm going to kingsland, GA/jacksonville, FL in just over a week for work... i fly out on my b'day... hopefully i'll be able to make it a fun day in spite of flying and meetings... we'll see...

unusual self image

i think i may have backwards anorexia... lol... not that, instead of starving myself, i stuff myself too full... but when i look in the mirror, i don't see a fat girl that the rest of society sees... i know by the size of my clothes that i'm not in the best shape... and the numbers on the scale tell me i should be seeing more when i look in the mirror... maybe i just have a "skinny mirror"... it's lying to me... or my sense of reality is waaay off...

maybe i need richard simmons or Dr. Phil to get me in check... hmmm... i should look for the good Drs' book this weekend... maybe that will give me some motivation... and inspiration... and maybe, i'll be able too look in the mirror in a couple of months and rightfully see the girl i'm imagining in there now...

YIPPEE!!

i'm going to florida... i'm going to florida... by tonight, i'll be in the arms of my hero!!! oh i can hardly wait... i'm having trouble concentrating on anything else here at work... i just want the workday to be over so i can get outta here and be on my way to see christopher!!!

good-bye 50 degree high temps... good-bye defrosting my car in the mornings... good-bye sitting at a desk with nothing to do all day... hello 80 degree avg temps... hello needing AC to keep from roasting... hello beach!!!

i'm just a little excited, can ya tell???

and the surprise was...

a hero for the weekend!!! that's right, christopher came to visit me in VA this weekend... and boy did i need a hero too...

the drive home on friday was terrible... horrible... i cried... there was a big wreck on the interstate, blocking both south bound lanes... so they were detouring everyone off and around the accident... well, there wasn't a short detour... after sitting on the road for an hour (only traveled 4 miles) i exited the interstate... not having my atlas in the car (i'm a smart one) i called my sis to look up maps online and tell me which way to go... it was working pretty well till i ended up in BFE, with no cell service... so i drove along, hoping i was going the right way till i found a clearing and could call back for more directions... eventually, my mom was able to help as well... she'd gone to the VDOT website and found the detour directions (which were the ones my sis had found on her own... go sis!)... now my question is, if VDOT could put the directions on their website, but not put up detour signs, how many ppl are gonna have internet access in their car to know which way to go?? not many... anyway, after driving around for 3 hours, i am able to get back on the interstate... 30 miles south of where i got off... so my trip home took 4 hours longer than usual to make...

in the whole process, i had been trying to call chris... i knew he could calm me down, and read a map well enough to give me directions (nothing against my mom and sis, but they're both directionally impared, and computer illiterate... but God Bless 'em for tryin'... and they did a great job!)... so, i'm trying and trying to get in touch with chris, and he's not answering his phone... the whole time i'm getting madder and madder that he's not answering, or calling me back... especially after my last very distressed voice message to him... finally he calls me back, and there was no "i'm sorry i wasn't there for you princess" or anything like that... just a "hi, well, i'm headed out the door, call ya later"... and that made me even more mad...

so i finally get home, my family isn't there (went to my bro's HS football game) so i'm able to relax and vent to myself about what a horrible trip it was... chris calls again... we talk for a little while, and i vent to him about my horrible trip... and i see headlights reflecting outside... i was not in the mood for company... so i finally compose myself enough to answer the door... and there he was... my hero... there for me when i really needed him... it was great! he's the bestest!

we had a really good weekend... we visited my grandparents... had a cook-out with dad, and my siblings, and their gfs/bfs... then we all went to a cornfield maze... so it was a busy, but fun weekend...

and i can't wait till wednesday when i can see my hero again!!! i'm going to be spoiled for sure!

more secret plan hints...

okay... so i have more clues... and more things that's it's not... i'll give you those first:

chris isn't making a life-sized, christopher-shaped pillow...

he's not having "I *heart* Princess" written in the sky when i visit...

he's not going to serenade me with his guitar when i get off the plane...

he's not going to have his scent bottled, so i can use it as a pillow mist to help me fall asleep...

his plan isn't for us to both quit our jobs, go into hiding, and live off the land in wisconsin...

and he's not building a time machine to take us back to our carefree college days, where meeting up for lunch didn't take plane tickets and months of planning...

so, with those ideas out of the way, i was able to get more clues... he says it's both and object and a plan of action... the object is small enough to fit into a trunk of a car, and the plan could take less or more than a day to carry out (depending on what you count as the plan)... so that information wasn't much help... also, my mom knows what it is and thinks it's a good surprise... i'll be seeing her in 2 days, but she's one tight lipped woman, so i won't be getting any hints from her... and the last clue was a visual one... the idea was taken from a book which was shown to me via webcam, but the resolution wasn't very good so i couldn't make out any words...

so, i'm more confused than ever... and just as excited... i can't wait to find out what it is!!!

hey la ti da...

you know what's a bad idea? laying down at 5pm to watch TV, and falling asleep till 8:30pm... that totally screws up any chance you have of going to sleep at a decent time later in the evening... well, it does for me anyway...

so once again, i didn't go to sleep till super late... but i guess my body doesn't feel like i lost any sleep (since i did get it in earlier) 'cause i'm wide awake this morning...

so, last night, when i couldn't sleep, chris told me he has a surprise for me... well, not a surprise really, but a secret plan... he likes to do that to me... of course, i like surprises, but not as much as i like the suspense leading up to the surprises... he said, as long as i wasn't sleeping anyway, i could be thinking about something exciting... which i did... he wouldn't give me many hints though... i just know that some ppl know about it, and it's going to happen "soon"... i guessed all sorts of things, and let me tell you what it's not:

he didn't buy the worlds largest pumpkin for us to carve when i visit

we're not taking his mom skydiving

it has nothing to do with snow

i'm not getting a pony

and he didn't let the grass in his yard grow so tall that he could cut a maze in it...

so see, that still leaves lots of things it could be... oh i'm so excited!!! at least now i have something to think about today at work while i'm not doing anything else... and if anyone has any guesses, let me know... my imagination just goes crazy when i don't have many hints...

not so bad...

well, it's 9:30am, and i'm not as groggy as i'd expected... and i've only had one cup of tea, so the caffine isn't a factor...

last night, after trying for an hour to sleep, i got up and talked to chris some... just being goofy with him, and talking about all our good memories helped some... he says my problem is that i'm at the "45 day stage"... it's been almost 45 days since we've seen each other, and he says i get frustrated and can't sleep when about that many days has passed since our last visit... i guess that's what it is... i dunno... i'll go with that for now, anyway...

i'm hungry this morning... i didn't have my usual bagel, and my tummy is saying "hey! i missed breakfast! eat something! now!" but it's only about 2 hours till lunch now, and i think i can wait... work is boring... we have a project, but have had it for 3 weeks now... so i'm pretty much done with it... glad it's only a 4 day week for me... yay for taking a day off (and for going home)...

going home is nice... but i think they should come visit me too... no one ever visits me... except james (but since he lives here, he doesn't really count)... i guess i just want my family to see that i've settled into my life here... and see that i'm an adult now... and to show me aproval... *sigh*...

well, back to pretending to work...

blah...

ever had that feeling where something felt wrong, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it??? every couple of days i get this feeling that something isn't quite right, but i can't figure out exactly what it is... but it only happens when i think about this one thing... so i guess i know what it's about, just not sure what's wrong with it... i'm sure i'll find out soon enough, though... it's probably all in my head... i have a very active imagination, ya know...

so here it is, late on a sunday night, and once again i can't sleep... probably because of the above problem... it seems to dictate when i sleep, how well i can concentrate at work, and when i'm in the mood to eat... i even tried not to sleep too late today, and i didn't nap at all so i'd be ready to go to bed at bedtime... it looks like i'll be drinking lots of caffine at work tomorrow...

i just wish i didn't feel like this... *sigh*... i need a hero...

stuff...

well, i'm gonna try this again... i've made new plans to go to FL for chris's winging... hopefully, things will work out this time... it's going to be an exciting trip (although i don't foresee any BEACH time)... chris will be living in his new place (the owner of the house he's been renting wants to sell it, so he has to move), his mom (and maybe dad) is coming, and we have friends that live in the area that might come for the winging as well... and we're gonna do halloween stuff... like carve pumpkins, and dress up and go out... it's going to be a blast... chris is planning on being Goldmember (from the latest austin powers movie), and i'm going to be Foxy Cleopatra... now i know what you're thinking, "she shows a lot of skin" well, i'm making my costume, so i can show as much or as little skin as i want... it will be awesome!

the weekend before FL, i'm going home... my siblings, dad, and I are going to a cornfield maze... we went last year, it was so much fun... dad sounded like he was excited about it when i called to see if he wanted to go... or maybe he was just excited to hear from me... we hadn't spoken in over 2 months... not because there was anything wrong, we just never have much to talk about... but i'm glad we're doing something when i go home...

the past few days i've been sickly... i started not feeling so good on friday night... i was almost sure i had ate something bad and had food poisoning... i felt pretty good on saturday, and sunday during the day (good enough to do lots of crafting - like update my scrapbook, and finish chris's winging craft)... but sunday night, things got worse again... my stomach was being all wonky, and i'd toss and turn trying to get comfortable... just when i found a good position, i'd hear a weird noise from around my apartment, and get super scared that someone was breaking in... so i'd eventually get up and check on it... then have to go through the process of getting comfy again... then another noise... and so on... all night long... around 4am, i was tossing and turning, i heard this noise, then there was a sharp pain in my head... i was sure someone was in my room and had tried to knock me out... scared out of my mind, i lay perfectly still listening to see what the intruder was doing next... after about 30 min, i finally got enough courage to move my hand a bit to see if my head was bleeding... when i reached up, i felt the curtain rod laying on my bed... at some point during my tossing, i'd pulled on the curtain with my pillow, causing the hanger to come out of the wall and let the heavy metal rod drop on my head... i was so relieved that i forgot about the bleeding for a few min... after that, i had a bad headache, and still couldn't sleep... around 6am with no sleep, i decided that there was no way i could get up and get ready for work... so i called in... i used a sick day... i felt terrible for doing it, but i would have been no good at work... i'm feeling mostly better now... my stomach is still being odd, but not as bad... and i got much better sleep last night... hopefully i'll be 100% by tomorrow...

speaking of work, we actually have a project to work on right now... so i better get to it... adios

sororites, politics, and spoiled celebs...

what could that title be about, you ask? well, all those things were part of my dream last night... it was another odd one... for a little background info, i will tell you that yesterday was Bid Day at Rose (for the gals anyway), and for bid day, if you go greek, your dorm door gets decorated with your new sorority colors and letters... so now that you know that, on to my dream...

i was laying on my couch and i heard this huge commotion in the stairway/hallway of my apartment building... me, being the nosy neighbor that i am, decided to look out the peep hole in my door to see what was going on... as i look out, these young ppl with "VOTE" t-shirts on are approaching my door... they have in their hands lots of red, white, and blue decorations... as i watch through the door, i see that they are decorating my door (like Bid Day) because i registered to vote... it was part of some hype to get young ppl to vote... anyway, i'm looking through the hole, and worrying that they're going to put which party i am registered for on my door... and i knew that not all ppl knew what party i am a member of, and some would disagree with me... and i didn't really want everyone to find out (not that i'm not proud to be a ______, but because i didn't want unsolicited comments from anyone of the opposite party)... so, as soon as they leave, i open my door to inspect it... i don't recall now what it looked like, but i do remember being relieved that my party wasn't on there... also, they had decorated the windows and main door of the building in hopes of getting others in the building to register, not realizing that no one else speaks english...

so i go back into my apartment, feeling pretty good about getting to vote, and in comes this party... with lots of booze and pizza... more of the hype about registering to vote... and the celeb at the party was Chad Michael Murray (from the WBs One Tree Hill) (side note: he was on Connan last night as i fell asleep on the couch)... and he's livin' it up in my apartment... we're all havin' a good time till he starts lighting the pizza boxes on fire with my stove... and thinks it's fun... i get all freaked out that he's gonna burn the place down... and he tells me that he always gets to do that at parties...

that was about when i woke up... that will teach me to fall asleep on the couch...

did ya miss me???

well... i survived... parts of the trip were fun... parts were not so fun... i guess overall, i'm glad i got to go... if not for anything else, but to see the Base, and experience something new...

the bad stuff was the meetings... ugh... i just get so frustrated sitting in meetings for 8 hours listening to ppl bicker back and forth about stupid stuff... and to not pay attention when others are talking and ask questions over and over... we're not in 3rd grade ppl... pay attention to the speaker!!! oy... well, it's over now... and i hope i don't have to do it again for a while...

i didn't really get to see much of seattle... just the skyline from the ferry... we'd hoped to have more time, but the meetings all ran long, so we really weren't able to get any sight-seeing in... but i did do a few new things... like drink beer (things i'll do to fit in with "the guys"... hehe...), tried thai food (wasn't impressed)... and gizzards (elch... next time i won't be pressured into eating weird stuff)... so yeah... there were some fun things... and i think also, i let the ppl i traveled with know i wasn't always uptight (since they only see the professional me at work)...

and now my body is being screwy not knowing if i should go to sleep, or stay up... the time change confused it... so i'm going to straighten it out, and hopefully get some sleep...

trip

well, i'm off to seattle tomorrow for a few days... i'm pretty excited about seeing a new place... and even more excited about being out of the office for a few days... chris is back in memphis for a couple of days... well not even that long... he drove up today to get the jets and fly back tomorrow... he should know tomorrow what they're gonna want him to do for the next couple of weeks... then maybe we can replan our visit... and i can get my life back on a schedule again...

other than that, it's been pretty boring... haven't seen james in over a week (he's been working) and been too busy/tired to talk to me online too (understandable)... oh well... i've been hanging out some with autumn, from work... she's the only other female i work with that's within 10 years of my age... possibly even 20 years... and the other few women aren't engineers or anything technical... so that leaves my choice of ppl here for my circle of friends kinda small...

i should go out more... meet more ppl... who knows who i might meet... maybe there's more out there for me than i've ever imagined... hmmm... i wonder...

F-R-I-D-A-Y!

my hero made it safely back to pensacola... as of last night, he had running water, electricity, and phone... so things are starting to get back to normal there...

he said that there was some water damage where it leaked through the roof, and the place was kind of smelly where it had sat for 2 weeks with the water just becoming stagnant... eeeew... but, his car wasn't touched... so that's even better news (even if he doesn't really see it that way... hehe)... his roommates took some of his items with them when they left so it wouldn't get destroyed... i thought that was nice... but it also means he's without a computer till they get back on sunday... oh well...

i'm doing okay... still kinda bummed about totally cancelling my vacation... but i'm starting to get psyched up about my trip to seattle with work next week... it's someplace i've never been, and a place i think would be cool to visit... i'm just not looking forward to being in meetings all day for two days straight... maybe they'll end early each day... that would be nice...

ugh... my apartment needs to be cleaned... even sitting here at work i'm not looking forward to going home to it... lol... i'll def clean it this weekend, 'cause i'd really hate to come back from a trip to a dirty, stinky place... and, if chris has some time off, and decided to surprise me by being at my place when i get back on thurs (hint hint) then i wouldn't want him seeing my place so dirty either...

okay, so i'm starting to get really random with this post... guess i'll go and see what everyone is doing for lunch today... yay for friday!!! too da loo...

so lost...

i'm missing my hero a whole lot right now... i was sitting here listening to the songs for a CD that we were going to dance on the beach to in the moonlight... and it's just now hitting me that we're not going to get to do that for a long time... and the "9 days" after seeing him in savannah has turned into 14... and probably 21... and most likely 28 or more... *sigh*

and making things worse is the thought of the misunderstanding we had just before he was evacuated... and i just don't feel like things were completely resolved, but was willing to drop it because we'd be seeing each other in a few days, and talking those things out is much easier, and better, than typing them... and now by the time i get to see him, it will be such an old issue, and may not get resolved till it blows up again...

and despite the misunderstanding, i miss him... it's usually months between visits, so why am i feeling like this, you ask? well, when we left savannah, we were so hyped up about seeing each other so soon... and now that hype is gone... and i'm left feeling lost... and alone... and let down... (not by chris, or anyone else... just let down in general)... and i'm trying so hard to be understanding and strong for him through this whole evacuation ordeal... but the fact is, not having a schedule is screwing with my mind, and body... and it's really starting to get to me... and not knowing when i'll get to see him again is tough also... i have a counter on my computer that counts down the time between visits... and right now it's on 9999 years 99 months 99 days 99 hours 99 min 99 sec... i want a real time to be there...

i should stop listening to this damn CD... it's causing me to be all emotional and girly...

and if this past week has been my punishment for hitting a rabbi, i've learned my lesson... i just want my emotions, relationship, and schedule to get back to normal... is that too much to ask?

up in the air

me being the scheduler like i am, this whole thing with everything being up in the air is really tough for me... but i think i'm dealing pretty well... i was supposed to go to fl last week, but changed it to this week, and now that flight may be cancelled as well... and chris isn't sure when he'll go back... so it looks like i won't be making it to FL anymore this year... who knows... chris could decide to come here and spend some time here... or go to cali, and spend time there (if he does, i might go there too)... so see, so many options and i can't plan anything... it kinda makes me feel lost...

but in good news, a neighbor reported that chris's home was in good shape... some water damage, fence down, and chimney blown off... but otherwise good shape... and an officer on base reported that none of the cars in the lot where chris was parked looked totalled... so maybe his car will at least be driveable...

*sigh*... i just wish i could do something... anything... and dangit... i want a plan...

one crazy week

I can't believe what a week it has been... since the accident, it's just been downhill from there...

so chris did have to evacuate due to the hurricane... he left on monday for memphis... wasn't able to really take anything with him, so all of his stuff was left at his house for the hurricane to eat...

while he was evacuated, he found out the AF Ball (the one i got the gorgeous dress for) was cancelled... and the winging would be delayed as well... so pretty much the two main things i was going to florida to help chris celebrate have been blown away...

and then there was the actual hurricane... and the waiting to find out what's left and what the damages are... some of the pictures from pensacola look just terrible... and some don't look so bad... chris is supposed to return tomorrow and will assess the damages then... i'm flying down on tues (if my flight isn't cancelled again) to help where i can...

all i wanted was a nice relaxing vacation... with a ball and a hero... and now that is gone... and now all i want is for my hero (and his things) to be okay... funny how in situations like this your priorities change...

grrr

today, on my way home from work... i was in a good mood... too good i suppose, since obviously i needed to be brought down... and boy was i ever... i hit a car... both of us were okay... our cars were banged up a little bit... but still driveable... luckily, MD law doesn't require that an officer come and ticket someone... so only my insurance will be affected, and not my legal driving record... however, i only carry liability, not collision... so damages to my car come out of my pocket... just as i was saving up for a down payment on a new one... *bam*... now the $$ is gonna to go fix this one... oh well... you win some... i lose some...

so, i guess it's bad just to have hit another vehicle... but is it worse that the other driver is a Rabbi??? do i go to hell for that??? maybe she'll put in a nice word for me for being so kind and not trying to twist it around to blame her... *sigh* what messes i get myself into...

and as if today couldn't get any worse... chris found out he may have to do a hurricane evacuation with the base next week... hopefully, if he has to go, he'll be back by thurs night... and be there for me when i arrive... i'm looking forward to a nice vacation (even if he does have to work a bit)... i know where the beach is... hehe...

okay, time to get happy thoughts in mind so i'm not so depressed about the accident...

what a great way to celebrate 3 years!!!

this weekend was so awesome!!! it was great getting to see my hero again... and spending time with him is always fun...

so friday, when i arrived in ATL, chris was already there... i really wasn't expecting him, since he was supposed to have to work and not be able to arrive until a few hours later... but i wasn't gonna complain that he was there early... in fact, i was super happy to have a few more hours to spend with him... so, we went to dinner, at Dante's Down the Hatch... it's a fondue place in Buckhead... i'd been there a few times before, and thought the pirate motif would entertain chris... we had a really good meal, but near the end my tummy started hurting... i love fondue, but soybean oil doesn't love me... but i lived, and i think chris had a good time too...

saturday, we drove to savannah... it was very hot, and chris doesn't have AC in his car right now... so we had to keep the windows rolled down... and the sound of the wind rushing by, and the roaring of tires on pavement gives me a headache... so the sounds combined with the heat did not make for a pleasant princess... but chris was so nice, and stopped when i asked so i could get some tylenol... we stopped to eat at a Zaxby's... it's a fast food chicken place... and to be fast food, they had an incredible salad... yummy...

when we arrived in savannah, both chris and i were so drained from the drive... i could barely stay awake through the tour of the B&B... it was a very nice place... high ceilings, and unique doors/windows... and our room was just as amazing... we had a small sitting area, and a whirlpool tub... and the bed was so soft and comfy... i crawled right in and went to sleep... i needed a nap...

when i woke up, i got ready to go out to dinner... but all the clothes i took with me were clingy and just made me feel like my stomach was stickin' out too much... i tried on every shirt i took with me and just wasn't comfortable with anything... chris could see that i was upset, but didn't know why, and was doing everything he could to cheer me up... i love him so much... so finally i decided on a shirt that "would do" and we set off to find dinner...

savannah is neat because it is on the river... and a lot of shops and restaurants are on the riverfront... so we walked along the cobblestone street till we found a place we'd both eat at (more than seafood on the menu)... after dinner, we walked along the street some more... found a candy store... and some souveneir shops... and by then it was time to head back to our room and to bed...

sunday morning we had a great breakfast... the cook at the B&B was excellent... we got ready to go out kinda early, and when we got to where we were going, everything was closed... we forgot it was a sunday and shops didn't open till later... so we drove around a bit... found some other places to shop (i needed better walking shoes) and i got to see an army air field... we had lunch in downtown savannah then headed out to the beach... not quite a beach day, but we thought we could at least get a look at the beach, and maybe take a walk... when we got to tybee island, the wind had gotten stronger, and little spurts of rain were happening... so no beach time at all... we checked out an old battery for a fort, and got up close with a lighthouse... it was cool to see some history of tybee island and savannah...

after the beach we headed back to the B&B... they were having and afternoon "tea" of sorts... it was kinda neat, but i don't like wine, or any of the foods they had, and the other couple in the parlor with us was dressed nicely, and they were older... so it kinda made me feel like we really didn't belong there with our shorts and t-shirts... so we retired to our room for another nap (did i mention the bed was super comfy)... we slept later than we planned, and when we got up, it was past dinner time... so we made our way back to the riverfront to another restaurant... after that, we had a few drinks... one of the places we went had like 20 "slushee" machines on the wall... each with a different frozen drink... that was kinda neat... and then, we took a "ghosts and gravestones" tour... it was a neat trolley ride around savannah, looking at the architecture and hearing some interesting ghost stories... i'm just glad they didn't have one for our B&B... lol... it was super late when we got back to our place, but we decided to check out the evening dessert in the parlor... there were mini-cheese cakes and cookies... yummy... and then it was off to sleep...

monday morning we woke up to rain... and lots of it... we weren't able to have breakfast outside because it was blowing so hard... but the food was still good anyway... we got packed up and headed back to atlanta... it rained most of the drive, but at least it wasn't hot... and chris and i both made it home safely... so that was my weekend...

and the best part is i'll get to see him again in 9 days!!!

excitement

okay, so in my sleep deprivation this morning, i forgot to mention the exciting things that are going on...

i got a gown... a ball gown... for the upcoming AF ball... it's BEAUTIFUL... and i feel like a total princess in it... i think christopher will be in shock when he sees it... i just want to put it on now and prance around... lol... i'm not giving out the details here (since i want to keep it a surprise from chris)... so if you want to see a pic of it, leave a msg and i'll show you...

and... i was worried that hurricane frances was going to ruin our plans for savannah this weekend... but things are looking good... only some rain predicted for that area... and i can deal with rain... perhaps we could have a peaceful afternoon, just laying with each other listening to the rain... sounds so nice... i'm way excited... can hardly wait till friday!!!

today is just one of those days that i want to shout to the world how much i love my hero!!! and i know some of you are thinking "your last post was about a tiff between you two"... and yeah... but that was just venting... and tiffs certainly don't diminish how i feel about him... he's the bestest!!! *kisses to my hero*

now time for some sweet dreams... g'night!

another sleepless night...

ugh... three hours of sleep is not enough for this princess... now i'm paying... i was actually sleepy last night, but things just kept getting in the way of sleep...

first there were the neighbors... who decided to cook at 11:30pm... with curry... nasty... for those of you who don't know, this is one of the worst smelling spices ever... it sticks in your clothes, and lingers in the area... and gives me a headache... i tried to sift the smell through my sheets so i wouldn't be breathing it, but that didn't work... and 45 min later, i was still awake...

this time, my stomach was hurting... not sure why, just felt like heartburn, but it was intense enough to keep me awake... i saw christopher was online, so i decided to chat with him for a while...

the conversation started out innocent and happy enough... and then things just got ugly... i saw a side of him that i'd not seen before... a side that scared me... a side that, as much as i love him, i don't know how to deal with... i mentioned something about my grandparents, hoping for a little compassion from him... hoping he'd help me deal with the oh-so-rapid approach of losing my grandparents... but that's not what i got... instead, he preceded to tell me he wouldn't make the mistakes they've made... and he didn't want to turn out like them... and just when i thought the conversation couldn't get any worse, it did... i know he was only telling me the way he feels (right now), but i don't think he thought about how it was affecting me... and when i told him that he'd hurt me, he acted offended... i understand where he's coming from... i really do... i don't want some of those things to happen either... but no one knows what they're going to be like in 50 or even 75 years... and why choose to cut your time short because you're afraid of what "might" happen???

so, even after we'd finished our chat, i couldn't sleep... his words just kept echoing in my head... and just when i thought they were gone and i could sleep, they'd come back, and i'd cry some more... and as anyone who has ever cried just before going to sleep knows, that doesn't make for the best sleeping conditions...

3 hours later, i woke up... eyes swollen, hurting like hell... nose stopped up... and a major headache... i'm just hoping something nice happens today to make me happy... is that too much to ask for???

btw: my office is a freakin' meat locker... no kidding... when i came in this morning, it was so cold in here, the windows were fogged up... i have the space heater going under my desk, and a sweater wrapped around my legs... and i'm still freakin' cold... dammit...

drama... drama... drama...

whew, lots of it going on this past weekend...

so on friday, i get in the mail a subpoena to testify as a witness for the state of maryland against some dude i don't know... i had no clue as to what it could have been about, and to top it off, the court date is scheduled right in the middle of my florida vacation... boy was i pissed... some dirtbag has screwed up, and i'm getting screwed for it... so immediately, i call the court to find out what it is about, and to see if i can get the date changed... well, lo and behold, no one is in the office at 3:59 on a friday afternoon... so i have to wait all weekend to find out what it's about... stewing the whole time and worrying about having to change my vacation plans...

so first thing monday morning, i call the court again... this time someone was able to help me... they caught the guy that stole my license plates!!! woohoo!!! they ask if i would be coming to court that day, and i explain that i would like to, but will be out of town at that time... no problem she says... we'll just reschedule the court date to a time that will be more convenient for you... i'm so psyched... for once the justice system is working... and on my side, no less... now if only this dude doesn't get off on a technicality or something like that...

so after i talk with the court clerk, i call my mom to let her know what the whole thing was about... and she tells me of the happenings in meadowview this weekend... (little background for those who don't know the area: m'view is a small town... maybe 1500 ppl, at most...) she says that my dad, his gf (becky) and my youngest bro (nick) were attacked on friday night... i'm thinking by an animal... but no, by humans!!!

so it goes like this: the three of them were on the way home from my grandparents (5 miles from my dad's place) when dad turns off of one road onto another... there are no cars around when he pulls out, then 5 sec later, there is a car riding his ass, flashing the lights and honkin' the horn... so my dad thinks there's some emergency and pulls over to let them pass... as the car passes, the three ppl inside are flippin' dad off and shouting obsenities... dad thinks "some ppl are idiots" and pulls out, and goes on about his drive... all of the sudden, the ppl in the other car stop dead in the road and wait for dad to catch up... when he does, they would speed up and slam on the breaks all the while taking up both lanes of the road, so dad had no hope of passing them... finally, 2 miles later, dad gets to where he turns to go to his place... well the car in front pulls a u-turn in the middle of the road and comes after dad... dad lives on a really windy, rinky-dink road, and the ppl were doing everything they could to run my dad off the road...

when dad pulls into his place, before he could even get the car completely stopped, one big dude was already out of the other car, and had yanked the passenger door open... my brother was sitting in the passenger seat and was trying to kick the guy or get out and run or something... anyway, he had his legs in the door... and the big dude kept slamming the door on his legs... it takes dad a few seconds to get the car stopped, in park, out of his seat belt, and out of the car himself... he starts yelling at the guy "mother fucker, who the hell do you think you are pickin' on a defenseless 14 yr old?? you wanna fuckin' fight, i'll take ya!" and with that the guy got back in his car and they drove off...

during the attack, becky had called 911 on her cell phone... but because the attack wasn't audible 911 hung up on them... no kidding, didn't send a rescue team or police... HUNG UP!!! so, when dad, becky and nick get inside they call the local police... police say since they only got 3 of 6 digits in the tag (along with make/model of the car, and detailed descriptions of the ppl in it) there is nothing they can do to help!!! COPS REFUSE TO HELP!!! well... my sister works for a state trooper... he's appaulled by the way my family was treated, and knows that with a partial tag, and make and model of the vehicle, the ppl can be tracked down... so he's agreed to help my family... thank goodness they finally get a break...

and what's scarier, is at the same place that the ppl first ran up on dad that night, the following night, a woman was dragged out of her car and beat... there wasn't a lot of info on that attack, so no one is able to tell if it's the same ppl... pretty scary, huh? and it's even scarier that in a situation like this the authorities were of no help... hell, i feel safer here in DC than i would in SWVA right now... that just totally ruins my idea that if you live in a small community, you're more likely to be safe (and helped when in trouble) than if you lived in a big city...

well, that's all i got for today... gotta get back to pretending to work... always fun...

sleep... ahh...

yesterday was the most boring day at work ever... most of the day i was super sleepy, and on top of that there was no work to be done... none... not even any reading... ugh... lunch was even boring... and the gal i usually visit and chat with when it's like this has been on travel for the past few days... so work has been extremely boring...

when i got home yesterday, i watched some TV and made dinner... then i layed down on the couch around 6pm to let my food settle before starting my evening... boy-o... i went right to sleep... i woke up around 8pm and decided that since i'd napped that long, it would take me forever to go to sleep later, and since i was still sleepy, i'd just sleep through the night... and that's what i did... i woke up a couple of times through out the night, but convinced myself to go back to sleep each time...

by 5am i was wide awake and ready to get up... so i got ready for work, and even came in early... ya know what that means??? i get to leave early this afternoon!!! let's just hope the workday itself is not nearly as boring as yesterday...

crap...

it's only 8:30 and i already need a nap...

damn, i'm so sleepy... somebody help me wake up!!!

so about yesterday...

yeah... so i'm doing much better today... sometimes i just worry too much... but i have no idea why i just couldn't convince myself to stop worrying yesterday...

somehow, i had it in my mind that chris and i weren't going to have a future... that he didn't want a future with me... i was convinced that he'd go off to Romania and forget about me, and the life we hope to have... it was the worst feeling ever... and it just would not go away...

but in the afternoon, i talked to james, and he helped me to see that some of my concerns are valid, and some are just plain silly... and then last night i talked to chris about it, and he assured me that he's excited about our future... so i've been put at ease...

ooo... on a grosser note... yesterday, right before i left work, we saw a mouse in the office... so one of my officemates put out those sticky traps... well, when he came in this morning, he checked them... one of them had TWO in it... elch... one was dead and was being eaten by the live one... GROSS!!! and of course, he wouldn't just take the trap outside to the dumpster... noooo... he had to get all the guys in the office to come check it out... i didn't look, but i could hear the gnawing... now i'll be paranoid for sure all day about mice under my feet... eeek...

confused

i have something weighing on my mind... i feel sick to my stomach over it... and i can't concentrate at work... ugh... i don't want to post it yet... not sure if i even should... i just need to talk to someone about it... i wish this work day would end soon so i could go home... *sigh* this is the worst feeling ever...

maybe it's caused by the phases of the moon...

i don't know what i've been eating lately, or watching before i go to sleep, but i'm gonna have to stop... i've been having the weirdest dreams... in the past few nights i've dreamed that i was a wedding coordinator, and i dreamed that someone was in my house (again)... and last night's dream was the oddest, by far...

i dreamed that i was going to have a baby... EEEK!! no kidding... it was odd, for sure... and in my dream, my mom was so happy for me... she just kept taking me around town showing off my belly... i guess what makes it even weirder, is that, usually, in my family, if someone dreams of a birth, or pregnancy, there will be a death... and if someone dreams of a death, there will be a birth... we're just odd ppl i suppose... it just creeps me out knowing that all of my grandparents are in bad health... eh, who knows... the dream is probably just that... a dream...

things at work are still pretty boring... friday, neither of my officemates were at work, so i pretty much just goofed off... but they're both here today, so i've got to look busy...

chris isn't going to get to come up to visit like he had hoped... the flight coming here has been rescheduled for labor day weekend... and we're going to savannah that weekend... but it's okay, i'll get to see him pretty soon, anyway... and i'll see him again 2 weeks later...

i'm trying to prepare myself for the craziness of the next 6 months or so... chris will be moving around a lot for different training courses... i'm telling myself it will be kind of like when he did his summer thing at Tyndall... but hopefully he'll at least have a phone, and maybe occassional access to the internet... but if need be, i'm all for hand written letters...

i remember last year after graduation we had said, if we can make it through this next year, we'll be fine, and things will be better/easier... well, it's over a year later, and we're still "making it through"... i'm ready for some smooth sailing... *sigh*... as christopher would say, "soon babe, soon..."

well, back to my pretending to be busy... and trying to stay awake...

i am a somebody...

i just had the worst doctor experience ever... she was rude to me, and acted like i didn't know anything, and didn't even deserve her time... hello??? i am a patient... i am a human being... i needed her service... it wasn't like she wasn't getting paid for it... and the bitch hurt me... i mean physically hurt me... i know a check-up isn't supposed to be a walk in the park... but i also know that it's not supposed to make me cry either... and what's worse, she acted like she didn't believe anything i was saying... she questioned every answer i gave her... "you don't smoke?"... "no"... "oh really?" ... "ever done drugs?"... "no"... "never?"... grrrrr... and how dare she presume that i can afford a more expensive prescription because i'm an engineer... even rich ppl go generic when they can... oh... the line i liked best was "we normally don't prescribe this to people of your size..." funny... i've been taking this for 2 years and have yet to hear that one... and i've actually lost weight since i first began taking it... so, in two years, or even a year since my last prescription for it, the drug company has changed their mind about prescribing it to "fat" people??? and if so, how come when i was reading about it earlier today, it said nothing of the sort??? bitch!

it's a shame you can't report doctors to some board for being total asses... that's okay... i'll just find a new doc... she'll no longer get my money... and if anyone ever asks if i know a good doc, i'll certainly volunteer that she's a bad one...

feeling kinda crappy...

i feel so horrible right now... i've even apologized for what i did, and i still feel bad about it... last night, i was kinda bitchy with chris... he did my pet peeve (the one i've previously posted about)... i was tired, and just wanted to go to bed, and didn't really have time or the energy to wait around on him to come back to the converstation... so i called him up... i couldn't just go to bed, and leave it alone, that only makes things worse for me... i hate going to bed mad at anyone... and this had made me mad... i tried not to be too bitchy, i didn't yell or anything... but i did let him know that it really bothered me, and that i was upset with him for it... and he replied with "it's okay, princess... i still love you..." and "you're allowed to be bitchy sometimes..." for him to be so understanding, in a time when he was stressed out and i should have been the one comforting him, was so nice... and because he was so nice about it, i feel super bad for being the way i was...

and to anyone else that i'll be bitchy with this week, i will preemptively apologize... i'm a little frustrated with my job right now... we're out of projects, and there's nothing to do... anyone ever tried to do nothing for 8 hours straight?? it's freakin' hard... we're not allowed to have anything on our desks (ie no newspapers or non-work related books) unless it has to do with a project, or research for a project... so i can't do crosswords or read the news... our time on the internet is monitored, so that takes out the web surfing to keep me busy... and it's frowned upon to leave our desk area for more than 10 or 15 min... so what the hell am i supposed to do??? if there gonna get pissed at me for not doing anything, then give me some work... i love my job, when there's stuff to work on... but the rest of the time sucks... and i know that's not really a reason to be bitchy with others... but when you leave me alone, with nothing to do for 8 hours, i get cranky...

on a much happier note, christopher sent me flowers to work last week!!! i was having a boring cranky day, and ta da... flowers... i was cheered up and in a much better mood... i can't wait to go home so i can see them... they're still beautiful...

ever had one of those dreams...

... where you wake up, and your heart is racing, and you're scared to move because of what you just dreamed??? and it felt so real you already thought you were awake???

last night i had one of those... and i was scared shitless... no kidding... i seriously thought someone was trying to get into my apartment... and when i woke up, my heart was about to pound out of my chest... and i was terrified of moving... so i just lay perfectly still, not even opening my eyes... afraid of what i might see... i layed there for what seemed like forever (maybe 10 min) listening... listening for the sound of someone else breathing... making sure i was alone... finally i was able to convince myself that it was all a dream, and i got up and checked all the doors and windows... of course, after that it was hard making myself go back to bed... i'm glad chris was around (online) to talk to... he calmed me down a bit... and i was able to finally get sleepy again...

i still didn't sleep well, though... i would wake up ever hour or so... but at least there weren't any more bad dreams...

so YAY for heros... i *heart* mine...

back to normal

ahh... so nice to be back to my normal, boring life...

last week, i had guests at my apartment... chris's cousin, cherie, and her guy, don, were in town for a week... and they stayed with me... while it was nice having people around, i realized that i enjoy my space, and being able to do what i want, when i want, and not worry about inconveniencing anyone else... most of their time here, they spent doing the DC-tourist things... and i was at work... but in the evenings, i just like to go home, veg out on the computer, or in front of the TV watching mindless shows so i can just relax... but being the southern woman that i am, i would not allow this to happen... i felt like i had to be entertaining at all times, and let them "rule the roost" since they were guests... and frankly, it just wore me out... maybe i'm just not as good at this whole southern thing as i thought...

i'm not trying to complain, or say anything bad... but i'll definately think twice about having any guests (whether i know them well or not) for an extended stay... heck, even my family can get to me after a week...

things at work are moving along... this week we're wrapping up the projects that we've been working on... sadly, there's not really another one in sight... so maybe there will be a quick turn-around on these we're finishing and they'll get back to us for another review soon...

we have a new EE at work, though... i met him during his interview, and he's not made it here yet (orientation takes a while) but he should be in this afternoon... he has recently left the Air Force... and was stationed at Seymour Johnson (where chris will be soon)... so i'll get to ask him questions about all sorts of stuff... hope he's not an office nazi like my one office-mate...

my friend james got moved here just fine... i saw his place last week... it's small, but nice... just right for someone just starting out... we plan on getting together fairly often, so i'm psyched about that... sometimes, it just takes hearing a gay man call you "boobs" to cheer you up... hehe...

well, my lunch break is over... better get back to work...

if i stab myself in the eye with a pen, do i get to go home???

okay, so i'm bored at work... what's new??? you'd think with several projects underway i'd have plenty to do, but no... so i thought i'd give an update, or whatever...

last week i had a phone interview with a company in SC... it was for a "power-ish" type job... and it was located in a small town like i'm from... the lady seemed fairly impressed with my skills, education, and experience thus far... she said i'd hear something within a week if they wanted to interview me again... it's been over a week and i've not heard anything... in a way i'm a little disheartened, but i already have a job, so it's not like it was dire that i get that one... and in a little way i'm relieved... i was just a tad worried that i'd be offered the job... and as much as i know staying here would be best for my career right now, i'd leave in a heartbeat to be living somewhere else... and now i don't have to deal with packing and finding a new place, and readjusting to life all over again...

my friend, james, from VA is moving here... his job is moving him to MD, and he'll be living within 10 miles of me!!! that's pretty exciting... we always have so much fun... and get into trouble too... hehe... it will be nice having a familiar face around... and someone who knows me outside of the professional scene to go to if i have problems, or just need to talk... so i'm looking forward to that...

chris and i have started planning our savannah trip!!! and i'm waaaaaay too excited about it... i just want it to be labor day already... so i can feel like a southern belle... sipping sweet tea on the porch of a southern "manor" (b&b)... and being able to spend such a nice/relaxing weekend with chris will just be awesome!!! maybe a nice weekend will only be a preview of things to come for us... i hope so...

i'm pretty excited about our future too... there's so many possibilities... and the places we could be are places i'd probably never think to go otherwise... it will be an adventure... and i'm looking forward to it!!!

well, a co-worker is giving me the evil-eye... he's on to me... gotta do some actual work... if i can find some to do... later...

Pet Peeve

okay... so i have this pet peeve... and it's not just something that gets to me a little bit, but it really irks me...
 
anyway, i really hate it when i'm talking to someone on IM and i'm talking and talking, and they don't respond and eventually they go idle... in the middle of a conversation... they've walked away... that's just like talking to someone face to face and all the sudden, without warning or anything they just walk away...
 
how hard is it to type three little letters "b r b"??? and it's really bad that this doesn't just happen with one person, but several on my buddy list are guilty of it... granted, only one knows how much it bothers me and they still continue to do it...
 
i just feel like they're implying their life is more important than mine, and maybe they think i have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for them to return... however, with the one person that knows this bothers me, i know that's not the case... he just doesn't think...
 
and no, i don't feel i'm being anal about this... you'd feel the same way if it happened to you... right???

update

okay... so as promised, here's an update for the past two months...

at the end of may, i went to terre haute for rose's graduation... it was nice getting to see all of the ppl i was closest to again... and after a night of partying, i realized i'm not in college anymore... i'm getting old... i also visited with some of chris's family... that was nice, too... and i managed to dodge tornados... it's amazing how much catching up can be done when people are stuck in a basement together... i enjoyed it...

a week or so later, someone stole a license plate off of my car... and yes, i know it was stolen because if it had fallen off, the bolts wouldn't have been laying there at the car... so, that made 2 incidents in less than a month to my car at my apartment... needless to say, i was not happy... my apt complex offered to find me another apartment within the complex to move to, just in case i was specifically being targeted... while it sounds like a nice idea, if i'm going to take the time to pack up and move, i'm going to move somewhere completely different... so, they know that if anything else happens to me or my car, i'm moving as soon as i can find another place...

in the middle of june, my mom and sister came up for a visit... neither had been here before so it was nice for them to see how i live on my own... it was also the weekend of my company picnic at Kings Dominion (an amusement park)... that was a fun day... i'm glad my family came to share it with me...

and last weekend, i got to see chris again!!! he was able to come up for the 4th of july weekend... we decided that we would meet at my mom's place (since it was between his place and my place)... but i wasn't expecting him till around midnight friday night... so imagine my surprise when around 6pm, i'm intently playing tetris against my youngest bro (kickin' ass, i must say) and someone kisses me on the cheek... not knowing chris would be around, i assumed it was my other bro trying to distract me... and then the kisser spoke... it was christopher!!! and now he won't let me forget the time he kissed me and i didn't care enough to stop playing video games to even say hello... but the rest of the weekend was great... we came back to DC so he could see my new digs... i think he had a good time... i sure did...

this past weekend was pretty normal (i.e. boring)... but it was nice to have a relaxing weekend and not have anything i had to do...

work for the past couple of months has been boring as well... until today, anyway... today we were assigned 2 projects... people were going nuts, they'd never had to do 2 projects at the same time before... and, we also received a project that we weren't expecting for another 3 weeks or so... so, monday, we'll have 3 projects assigned to us... i'm looking forward to the work...

mmmm... i think that's about it... well, for now anyway...

New Space

Welcome to my new blog space... my other was getting bogged down with popups and took a super long time to load... and was pretty much getting annoying to use... so here i am!

I will post more later today with the happenings of the past 2 months to get everyone caught up... just a preview: it's pretty much been boring...